Saturday, May 5, 2007

Too

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" This question was recently posed to me out of the blue by a well meaning young woman that I work with. I get asked this question frequently, and I never know what people expect me to say. It's a rather impertinent question, simultaneously implying that there is something wrong with me because I'm single and that there is something that I am aware of that causes me to be single. One day I'd like to answer "I'm part of a secret society of library nuns who've taken a vow of spinsterhood in order to dedicate their lives to showing people how to use an online catalog and the photocopier." However, as she seemed genuinely perplexed by my singleton status (which I took in a complimentary manner) I controlled my snark and told her I didn't know.

Usually when this query is put forth to others and you force them to provide more of an answer than "you got me," they inevitably end up saying that I'm too fill in the blank. Over the years I've pretty much heard it all. Too smart (is that really a bad thing?), too bitchy (in my defense that was in high school), too independent, too clingy (those last two were from the same guy, clearly he was "too stupid"), too emotional, too attached to my family, too quiet (ha!), too serious, too classy (is there really such a thing?), too normal, too weird (I can't be both!), too pretty (oh come on!), too intimidating (because of being too smart etc.), too accomplished, too distrustful, too intense (I get that one a lot), too demanding (because I expect to be treated with respect), too uptight, and too picky, just to name the most often and/or recently cited.

Never mind the fact that I've seen girls who were prettier, smarter, weirder, meaner, more accomplished, and way more high maintenance than I am get married, the majority of these characteristics aren't things I can really do anything about. The exception being "too picky." This comment was supplied by a friend who told me that clearly my standards were too high. Sour grapes from another single woman? Hardly. This statement was issued by a happily married man. I refuse to believe that my standards are too high because I know plenty of women who fit them, so it is ridiculous to believe that there aren't any single men who fit them.

But that's not really the point of this. The point is, people clearly see in me what they want to see, as opposed to seeing me. And there's not a hell of a whole lot that I can do about that. In reality, I'm a little bit of all of those things. (Although too pretty? Are you serious? Would you like a trowel for that load of crap you are spreading? I mean, I don't frighten cattle or anything, but "too pretty" are words used to describe the likes of Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly, not librarians with pixie haircuts. But I digress.)

8 comments:

Mockingbird said...

But you should remember that pixies are mean sonsofbitches. Although I rather like the idea of you being a member of a secret order of librarian nuns dedicated to the dissemination of knowledge. Hmmm . . .

Mikey said...

Lol, you controlled your snark. lmao, that's a hilarious word.

I think I know who asked you that. Likely the same person who's been asking all the single people in the library why exactly they are single.

All that matters is if you're happy. If you are, then it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship. If you're unhappy with your life right now and it's due to a lack of relationship, then you really should change that. But if your unhappiness comes from something else, then don't worry about not being the girlfriend of some guy.

rainbowCipher said...

Pixie haircut? No! Though I too like the idea of you being a member of the librarian nun order.

I don't personally think you're too anything. I think, like Mary Poppins, you're "quite lovely in every way."

Don't let the degradations of others negate your personal opinion. They're only criticizing you for having something they lack.

Stacked Librarian said...

It doesn't bother me that I'm single. What bothers me is when people seem to think I'm defective because I am.

rainbowCipher said...

I'd just like to go on the record by saying not defective. There just isn't much selection in this here town we call home. One day though, Mr. Right will come along, and it'll all be worth it. Yes, I am a bit of an optimist when it comes to my friends. =D

Mikey said...

Yeah, I agree with cipher. You gotta get drunk at the local bars in this town to meet someone or you just have to hope you get lucky.

And yes, I know that was a poor choice of words, but I did it to be humorous. XD

rainbowCipher said...

and who wants to get drunk anyway? I particularly don't want to find the love of my life in a bar when I'm inebriated. I don't particularly want to find them in a church either, though that's your second best option here. Guess I'm S.O.L. right there with ya', huh?! Well, at least we can all be S.O.L. together, eh?!

amnbdad said...

I thought Mary Poppins was practically perfect in every way.