We're just a bunch of cuddle monkeys

I hadn't intended to blog on this, ever really. Somehow it is just on my mind.

In the 1950's a researcher named Harry Harlow conducted an experiment with baby monkeys to see which of these needs they would choose to fulfill: food or comfort. He built a wire "mother" that provided milk, and a warm, cloth covered "mother" to provide comfort. All of the monkeys clung to the cloth mother and only went to the wire mother when absolutely necessary. They would then hurry back to the cloth mother. He deduced that because the monkeys chose something that they "liked" over something that they "needed" that attachment to your mother isn't based upon your needs being met, but rather on something more complex.

In my opinion (that's a bit redundant isn't it?, after all this is my blog and who the hell else's opinion would it be?), while Harlow's conclusions make sense (but duh! what kind of idiot can't tell that attachment is more complex than being fed?), I think he has a fallacy in his scenario. Never mind the fact that it strikes me as unnecessarily cruel to torment baby animals in this manner, it does, but that's not the point. He assumes that physical contact, comfort and warmth aren't needs. Bollocks.

Now, I realize that you aren't going to die if you go three days without being touched. I know that it isn't on the same level as food and water. But when you think about it, physical contact isn't just something we enjoy. If you look at the tragic situations in the Russian and Romanian orphanages you can see definitive proof of this. This need doesn't stop once we leave childhood, but with each passing year it gets harder and harder for us to meet this need, unless we are in a romantic relationship. (Or perhaps have a lot of touchy-feely friends). Part of this has to do with the awkwardness of adolescence, and the desire to distance oneself from "childish" things. Part of this also has to do with the fact that the older we get the more we are conditioned to view physical contact as synonymous with sexual contact. However, these aren't one and the same. (Just like every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square. Yay Geometry!). But for many people they end up being the same, because that's all they can get.

So, if you know someone who stays in a relationship with someone despite the fact that it is clearly toxic (either emotionally or physically), remember those baby monkeys. Remember that they were damn near willing to starve themselves in order to have someone to cuddle with. It is a powerful need and one that is sorely met for too many people. Hug someone you know today.

a week of entertainment thwarting

I have been thwarted repeatedly this week in my entertainment choices. First of all, I can only watch Scrubs in re-runs as I work Thursday nights. All of the episodes that have aired this week were ones I had seen already, a couple of them more than once. Why can't the channels airing the episodes in syndication have the courtesy to air them in order? Is that too much to ask? Apparently. Secondly, when trying to pick a movie to view this weekend my friends and I discovered that neither of the films that we wished to see (Grindhouse and Hot Fuzz) were playing locally. Or even a little bit off. Oh no, we would have to drive for at least one hour to the pulsating hotbed of cinemas: Charlotte. Yes, my life has come to this, I must drive for an hour each way to enjoy films with any sort of intelligence. I will cut our local cineplex some slack on Grindhouse, it is three hours long which means fewer showings which means fewer dollars. However, it makes no sense to not show Hot Fuzz. It will show all of those torture flicks and lame teen movies for weeks at a time, but not something like Hot Fuzz. Maybe they are showing all this dreck so that no one will complain when those films get kicked out to allow ten screens of Spiderman-3 next week. But I digress. Finally, my good friend Mockingbird phones me last night to inform me that Fox has canceled their new show Drive after four episodes. Four. Now, I'm not saying that Drive was television gold, but it was certainly interesting and with such a large ensemble cast it would take a while to get all of the plot in place. But, oh no, Fox pulled the plug. Why broadcast a show with even a scrap of intelligence when they can glut the television landscape with vile content like Temptation Island, or the notorious "If I Did It" interview? And does anyone else find it disturbing and hypocritical that Fox brings us both the most conservative network news program in the US as well as the tawdry tripe I just mentioned? Sigh. Thus, I have been thwarted. I don't like it at all.

Channeling Garbo

Yesterday, when I arrived home, I was in a sulky sort of mood. After fixing myself a rather tasty sandwich for supper, I settled down on the coach to veg out. I wanted some peace and quiet and time to myself. Easily achieved you would think considering I live alone. Oh no. First, my mother called, which was fine, and actually expected. Unfortunately, I don't have a phone hooked up in my living room, it is in my den, so in order to answer the phone I must get up and run through the foyer, the hall and into the den to grab the phone, dodging the floor lamp that I moved so that I would have better light for a project that I am working on. So, I hang up and go back to coach. The phone rings again and this time it's the credit card company. This is the third time in a week that someone from the credit card company has called and it is to lecture me on the dangers of identity theft. I yelled and argued and finally hung up. If they call again I may have a hissy fit! (Oh yes, I am Southern!) Then, just when I am settled down again, my neighbor rings my doorbell because he wants to offer me radishes from his garden. I felt like screaming "I want to be left alone!" Solitude is so hard to come by sometimes.

Waxing rhapsodic

While keeping my grandmother company this weekend I discovered that TCM was airing one of my all time favorite movies, Roman Holiday. My grandmother is almost 92 years old, very little holds her interest, and movies hardly ever. Flashbacks, complicated plots, special effects and dream sequences all confuse her, primarily because she has trouble hearing the dialogue, but also because if it doesn't appeal to her she doesn't pay attention. Well, Roman Holiday caused her to put her word search book down and actually ask me questions about the plot. The last movie I remember her enjoying was Happy Gilmore, and that was mainly because Bob Barker gets to beat up Adam Sandler. Roman Holiday is a fantastic film, with a charming plot, outstanding performances by Audrey Hepburn (who really could do no wrong) and Gregory Peck, (personally, I could lay on a concrete floor and listen to Gregory Peck read from the phone book and be happy but that is neither here nor there), and a fitting ending that is not schmaltzy or unbelievable, but is also not weep into your pillow. They don't make movies with endings like this one anymore. It's always either unbelievably happy (they elope together) or heartwrending (she dies or is married off to some toad). Shot on location and in black and white the film is also the best advertisment for Rome that could possibly ever exist. Every time I see it the wanderlust grips me and I fantasize about strolling through the streets of that great city indulging in a gelato, throwing coins into fountains, zipping about on a Vespa, and basking in the Mediterranean sun. (I also want to visit the catacombs but that didn't make the cut in the film-a rather morbid place for an incognito princess to visit don't you think?) However, the stark reality of the exchange rate and my mortgage quickly nip that dream in the bud. Frankly, I think Rome should send all of the descendants of anyone involved in the making of that film presents every year. If you have never seen Roman Holiday (yes, even if you are a straight man) you should rent it immediately. Don't wait for the serendipity of finding it on television, only TCM airs it without commercials.

did you know

that you will have more plaque on the side of your mouth that corresponds to the side you sleep on? Gross, but true. So remember to floss! Please.

and now for something completely different

I indulged myself by buying a box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls this weekend. As I stood in the kitchen savoring my treat, I first, gave thanks that I was not lactose intolerant as I was enjoying it with a glass of ice cold milk, but then I began to wonder. The Hostess Ho-Ho (terrbile name!) is essentially the same thing, and yet the Swiss Cake Roll is vastly superior. (Please do not sue me Hostess!) Perhaps it is because the Swiss Cake Roll comes two to a package while Ho-Ho is all by it's lonesome, or perhaps it is because SCR is covered in more of a milk chocolate coating, while HH is darker. I thought that it is because Hostess is a subset of a huge conglomerate and thus the little cakes have to ship farther. However, Little Debbie is also a subset of a big company, although not as big as the one Hostess belongs to, and so isn't exactly local. Interestingly enough Little Debbie snack cakes are also cheaper than Hostess, although that isn't really a deciding factor in why I enjoy them more.
It isn't that I think the Ho-Ho is bad, on the contrary had I never experienced a Swiss Cake Roll I would probably really enjoy them. But this is not the case. Ah, Swiss Cake Roll. Pass the milk.

human nature

I was planning on posting something funny yesterday, but now it seems sort of distasteful to do so, at least for now. I'm not trying to take this tragedy and make it my own, I am lucky enough to not know anyone involved. That being said, I can't even begin to imagine what this is like for those who do or were. This sort of thing is something that I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around.
We are always surprised when it happens, mainly because you don't want to believe that your fellow humans can be so indiscriminately cruel. But humans are. Always have been. If you pay attention to history, the sordid underbelly that drove all events, we are truly quiet horrifying. Humans would seem to be the most dangerous, deadly, and depraved animal on the planet. Oh sure, other animals, like sharks, alligators, and bears, will attack and kill you but rarely without purpose. Rarely without cause. Not so with humans. Humans, like other carnivores, kill for food and in defense of self, but they will also kill for sport, for personal gain, and in sick instances, pleasure.
Yet, we continue to have faith in the goodness of people. Because we can be good, and act in a selfless manner. I think we would go mad if we lived with the idea that people are as sick as the worst of us. But we shouldn't be surprised when things like this happen. Upset, horrified, repulsed, sickened, saddened, determined to prevent something similar happening again. All of those things and more, but not surprised. Joseph Conrad got it right. Everyone has a heart of darkness. Not that that excuses, explains, or justifies what this person did, but sometimes it is important to remember the worst case scenario, because it will happen. Humans can really suck.